Wonder Anew 7.1.15

I WANT

I want to honor and accept who I am at my core. When no one is looking and I am alone. 

I want to accept that at times I am selfish and self-centered. That I am allowed to love myself more than others. 

I want to quiet my monkey mind and live in a peaceful surrounding. 

I want to let go of my attachment to physical items. 

I want to live more by possessing less. 

I want to let go of judgment of myself and others.

I want a peaceful heart and soul. 

I want to stop telling myself stories that are not true about myself, my children, their father, other men, and my family.

I want to accept that I am perfect just as I am in this moment.

I WILL

I will create a routine that works for me. 

I will let go of the physical items that weigh me down and do not bring joy. This weekend I will take time for me and clean out to make room. I will address my fears of an unhealthy attachment to physical items and through negative beliefs. 

I will sleep more. 

I will work more wisely and establish a routine that honors my needs. 

I will eat and honor my body and soul. 

I will create a routine that includes meditation, reading, and journaling. 

I will invite my HP to guide my life and let go of my ego and agenda. - anonymous, from an adult workshop

Wonder Day 6.19.15

One personal change that I want to make in my life is that I want to be less judgmental of others. This is because each person has their own difficulties and situation, and it is not my right to judge them. One way that I can do this is by taking a moment to reflect on my thoughts everyday, and especially when I feel I have made a prejudiced thought toward someone. Then, I can remind myself of my ultimate goal, and in doing so I will be able to help decrease the amount of judgmental thoughts I have over time. I can also do this by learning someone's individual story if I judge them. By understanding the different factors that cause people to do different things, I will be able to decrease my judgmental nature. - high school student, Florida

Wonder Day 6.18.15

Want to live life in the moment, not worrying about the past or the future. Will accept the good and mistakes I have made, do the best I can in this day and enjoy tomorrow when it arrives. -high school teacher

Wonder Day 6.12.15

Don't say maybe when I mean no. I'm not a very self-confident person and I don't like to speak my mind or create conflict. I've been letting myself succumb to peer pressure a lot. I've started to do some questionable things, although nothing bad has happened yet. I just think my life is heading in a direction that I'm not sure I want to take. I'm a risk-taker, but I'm having a harder time going against other peoples' will when I know that something is not right. I also have been cutting a lot of people off. I forget that not everyone views things the same way I do, and other people have their flaws and I need to be more understanding of that and maybe even make the effort to help them improve. However I'm not here to make a difference. I'm only here by chance, and have been damned to existence, and I don't plan on being around long enough to try to make any changes within myself or others, so I probably won't be making too big of an effort to actually go forward with the two points I mentioned. - high school student, Florida

Wonder Day 4.23.15

I'm proud of being an open person that be kind and not judgmental to others just because they are different from me. I learned to accept them and ignore people who think what I think is wrong but I will not care if people judge me. I will [not]let them stand in [my] way. I will push them aside with my pride in the sky. I will be stronger than the haters. I will be the person that I am and forever will be. - middle school student, NC

Wonder Day 3.18.15

I wish my dad was better and didn't do the things that he does. He's probably back out on the streets. If he wasn't the way he was then I'll still be living with him. he told me things I didn't like. The thing I have to do is just walk away. - middle school student, TX

Wonder Day 1.22.15 - Bretton Varga

I love books. Just as traveling to a different country in the world brings its inherent wisdom, I believe there is knowledge to be gained from reading any book.

I read a book that took place during the Victorian Era about a lost poet who was in the process of re-purposing his life to exact revenge on his adulterous wife. Entertaining read, but there is a chapter title that has always stuck with me and has greatly influenced how I live my life: Omnia Mutantuar. Everything Changes.

In life, there are many things that you have the power of control over, but also, at the same time, many facets that are far beyond your reach. You cannot expect to be the same person or re boot relationships to where they were in the past. Everything changes. Life is a river and while we may at times try to swim upstream, we need to accept that fact that we are in constant motion and everything around us is shifting, teeming, contracting, morphing and becoming something new. Acceptance is not something that is easy, but by learning to accept this notion of perpetual deviation, I have learned how to be happier with not just the choices within my control, but more importantly how to happily digest events that are occurring around me. I guess you could say it is learning how to control the uncontrollable. Or at least, accepting that it is not something that can be controlled and just sitting back and admiring the beauty that always accompanies the unexpected.

Bretton Varga 

Image credit - snake shedding skin to grow

Wonder Day 12.25.14 - Lindsey Henke

My journey into motherhood was not like others.  I should restate that. At first it was.  I was like many other first time moms growing into motherhood through counting down the months of pregnancy as my body bloomed, swelled, and swayed with my first child.  A perfect text book pregnancy and as my belly grew so did my love for the baby inside. I celebrated each new pregnancy milestone with excitement, worries, and wonder with my proud husband by my side. I spent nights and days wondering about our daughter's future and who she would be and worrying that as a new parent I would not live up to my own expectations of motherhood.  Looking back now I guess I did enter the first part of motherhood like most mothers.

Where my path into motherhood diverted from other mothers was the day I delivered my daughter at full term and she was born still and silent into my arms. My heart full of sorrow and my body shaking with pain as I could hear my soul break apart.  My hopes and dreams of becoming a mother shattered into a million little pieces on the floor that I feared would never be able to be put back together. That late December afternoon I held my first born and only child Nora's sweet cold little body for only moments against my warm chest but her 8 pound and 5 ounce being left an imprint on my heart that will live on, even though she never will.

Fast forward twenty two months and a new but anxious pregnancy later and here I am now rocking my seven month old daughter to sleep wondering how I got here.  

To this place where I get to love and cuddle this beautiful bundle of human being, my second daughter Zoe?  I can honestly say I am happy now with my family of four, even though one is forever missing.  But sometimes I wonder what if Nora would have lived? What kind of mother would I be now?  How would I be different?

You see, I wonder this because the mother I have become today is all due to the mother I never got to be to my eldest daughter.  When my Nora died I knew that if I ever got a second chance at being a mom again that I would want to be one that is mindfully present, fierce in her love for her children, and accepting of whoever my child becomes. 

That is the kind of mother I hope to be. 

That is the positive change I want to make in my life.

I want to live a life that both my daughters can be proud of.  I want to carry my grief over the loss of one daughter through my life and turn it into ever present acceptance and fierce love for my living child.  I aspire to do this every day and honestly I don't know the steps I take or will take to get there.  What I do know is I wake up every morning with gratitude that I get one more day in this life with my daughter and I use those moments to live fully and love deeply.  Then if I'm lucky enough I will wake up the next day and do my best to aspire to do it all over again, loving both of my daughters with a full and grateful heart. 

Lindsey Henke - her blog, Stillborn and Still Breathing. Founder and editor of Pregnancy After Loss Support. Writer, clinical social worker, wife, and most importantly a mother to two beautiful daughters. Lindsey is also a monthly contributor to Still Standing Magazine.

Image credit – Kerry Kresl Photography