I don’t know if it was turning forty, my brother’s near death experience, a new connection, the discovery of Brene Brown’s writings or perhaps all of these things that led me to the realization that I didn’t feel ALIVE. I was existing for the benefit of others.
I felt no real connection/closeness/intimacy with anyone.
I was a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend, but no one really knew my passions, hopes, dreams, fears or even who I really am behind the mask. I was living incongruently.
I couldn’t feel anything. Not joy nor pain. I was numb.
I was afraid to let anyone know how unhappy I was because I didn’t want to rock the boat. Everyone else in the boat seemed to be getting their needs met. I was sacrificing my truth to keep the boat in calm waters. This was no one’s fault but my own. I had lost my voice and I didn’t feel worthy enough to make sure I was heard. I was afraid to show up and be seen.
All of a sudden I realized that I couldn’t go on this way. I have been given the gift of life and have talents that I need to share with the world.
I realized that I was hiding from my calling in life. That God intended for me to live joyfully, purposefully and to passionately share my gifts with others.
I knew that I was going to have to be brave, vulnerable and authentic. I was going to have to take some risks and develop the self-confidence to effectively break free of my cocoon. I knew there would be growing pains.
However, I don’t think I realized how painful it was going to be to break out of my dated cocoon or how difficult it was going to be to deal with the force that wanted me to get back in the cocoon and stay.
I started focusing on self-growth and making connections with others that were on a path to living life wholeheartedly with passion and purpose. I found a tribe that understood and supported my desire to grow spiritually and emotionally as I stood up and shared my thoughts and opinions.
I am still in the middle of that storm that involves major life changes including a divorce and getting back on a career path. But, at this moment, despite the challenges, I am happier because I am really ALIVE and growing. I have made real connections and I have found the courage to be ME in the face of adversity.
I have decided to live my life bravely and hope to inspire others to do the same. I want to be able to help others see the silver lining that accompanies all change, expected or not expected because life is really what we make of it!
Image: Meredith Roberts Hepburn, photographer. Framing Sunshine Photography.
I have decided to live my life bravely and hope to inspire others to do the same. I want to be able to help others see the silver lining that accompanies all change, expected or not expected because life is really what we make of it!
Image: Meredith Roberts Hepburn, photographer. Framing Sunshine Photography.
