The most significant positive change I made
recently in my life was to simply slow… down…. I am always on the move and I
rarely even think about what I am doing—like a zombie on autopilot.
People ALWAYS, and I do mean ALWAYS, ask me,
"How do you do it with three kids, a husband, and a full time academic
job?" My answer is always, "I don't think about it, I just do it. If
I think about it, I might go crazy."
Well about 6 months ago, I began feeling really
hit by all of the on-the-go and lack of "consciousness." My not
feeling almost caused a mental breakdown….well, to be honest, it DID cause a
mental breakdown.
I have come to realize it is important to think
about what I do and how I feel about it, otherwise the bottled up feelings
will come out whether you want them to or not.
I.WAS.EXHAUSTED.
I realize that I should reflect
and appreciate the things that I do and the sacrifices I make because this
makes me realize that I need to carve out time for making sure I am emotionally
and mentally sound. I realize this is for my benefit, and also for my kids,
husband, and colleagues.
My thinking about myself and what I do has really
led to some transformative happenings, like pulling out my art materials and
creating for a couple hours a week, maybe as little as 30 minutes a day. The
result has been incredible. My kids find me happier, tenure no longer runs my
life, and I have found that I communicate just a wee bit better with my husband.
This change happened only months ago, during the
summer break from teaching at the university. This transitional
thinking was easier to do during that summer period, but I am continuously
working hard to keep this consciousness in the forefront of my living
throughout the fall semester and beyond.
I don't want to be on autopilot. I feel like that status has caused me to miss SO much, especially the milestones of my children. I love to see my youngest child laugh, and pout, and stumble around as his motor skills develop. Unfortunately, I cannot recall appreciating this much with my first two children. However, now, I stop and stare, and that makes me happy.
I don't want to be on autopilot. I feel like that status has caused me to miss SO much, especially the milestones of my children. I love to see my youngest child laugh, and pout, and stumble around as his motor skills develop. Unfortunately, I cannot recall appreciating this much with my first two children. However, now, I stop and stare, and that makes me happy.
I think that all women should, especially full
time moms and family providers, stop for a minute, breathe and feel, really
feel. Look at the sky, look at the grass, feel water running through your
fingers, and just be conscious. I cannot believe it took me so long to get
here, but I am so glad that I did.
Joni Boyd Acuff, PhD - Assistant Professor of Arts Administration,
Education & Policy, The Ohio State University
